Poem by Jyhene Kebsi
She stares at her belly
She touches her belly
She talks to her bellySinking whispers, agonizing whispers, choked whispers:
Will you curse me
when my vagina ejects you out into this life?
When you will be doubly “illegal”?
In Australia,
you are the “illegal” child of an undocumented mother
In Syria,
you are the “illegal” fruit of his crimeShe stares at her belly, touches her belly, talks to her belly
Will you curse me because I hate you?She stares at her belly:
I declare you dead.
As you move in my uterus,
I will read your mourning ode
I wrote it for you:
Do not come. Stay in my belly. Die in it
Instead of pushing you out,
my vagina will block you inside
My vagina will push you towards my stomach,
Stay in my belly
There, you move freely in my uterine water
Here, you will be in prison
In my womb, you move
Here, you will be static
Inside, my powerless body protects you
Outside, you will be dead.She stares at her belly, touches her belly, talks to her belly
I am in pain and refuse labour painI want to vomit you out,
And burp.
Burp the colonial waters of detention,
I want to burp you up
And listen,
listen to the music of burping you out
the music of burping him out
the music of burping exotic Arabia out
Will your face look like his face?
Did this question haunt Abyan? did she hide from it? did it stifle her, strangle her?I want to vomit you out,
even if you are the way to RacistraliaMy “illegal” foetus,
My tragedy made me a poet
In my Ode to you,
I sing that
I squashed my belly,
the way your pregnancy squashes my breasts
In my Ode to you, I sing that
I hate and have to hit you
In the heat of that hot day,
I hit my unhealed belly hard,
harder, harder, harder
But you did not die
I hit you more fiercely
But you did not die
I bit my arms, pinched my belly, squashed you,
But
you did not die
God, when will I die?
***
Jyhene Kebsi is a Lecturer in Gender Studies at Macquarie University. Before coming to Macquarie, Dr. Kebsi worked as a Teaching Fellow in the English Department at the University of Sydney. She also taught at both the University of Western Sydney and Saint Thomas University in the United States. Dr. Kebsi’s research and teaching focus on transnational feminism, globalization, postcolonialism, asylum and world literature. Dr. Kebsi is the recipient of multiple prizes and awards, including Fulbright.